I woke up alert and eager to see *J* off for the day. I roll over and look at the clock; 9:12 it read. Disappointment washed over me; my Master has surely left for work already. I stand and stretch as I reach for my terry cloth bathrobe. Descending the staircase, I hear nothing but silence. Looking through the glass at the bottom, my suspicions were confirmed. The silver pickup was not parked in the driveway.
Taking in a deep breath, I continue towards the kitchen to make my morning glass of Diet Dr. Pepper. I gave up my morning coffee long ago due to my diabetes. I take my coffee with sugar and cream. Although I can use sweetener, the cream I prefer still has too many carbohydrates. After my morning beverage is made, I take out the low carb bread, peanut butter, strawberry perserves (no sugar added), and applesauce (also no added sugar) to make my breakfast. With my breakfast made I sit at the table to eat.
When finished, I put my empty dishes in the dishwasher and light a marlboro. I take a look around, making mental notes of what chores need to be done today. Realizing that my duties would be light today, I smile. "I can spend extra time in the jacuzzi today" I tell myself. I crush out my cigarette, grab my drink and head for the stairs.
Before I start my day, I call *J* to see if he has any special instructions for me. "Not today slut" he answers in that sexy deep voice. A voice that makes my pussy wet and throb just by hearing it. A voice that can make me cum on demand. "You sound refreshed and well rested today". "Yes." I answer simply. "You are a good and kind Master to observe and know when I need the extra sleep. Thank you Sir". "If that's all, have a good day. Think about how to thank me properly tonight after dinner". I could hear him chuckle as he hung up the phone.
I begin my morning routine. I start out each morning with my work out videos. *J* set a rule after I was diagnosed with diabetes to work out 30 minutes a day (more if I choose) 5 days a week. Thursdays and Sunday's are my off days. The exercise helps control my blood sugar levels and helps burn calories so I can lose the weight that the doctor suggested.
Once my work out is finished, I fill the jacuzzi full of water adding the sea salt and the bubble bath. Laying out the towels, shampoo, conditioners, lotions, razor and all the other things I would need to be properly groomed, I begin to savor the familiarity of the routine. If nothing else, my Master knows what he likes and what is best for me. My routine is based on those things. Including what he thinks is a proper grooming routine. With the tub now full, I shut off the water and grab a book.
I first start my bath with shaving my legs, my pussy, and my arm pits. With that chore done I turn on the jets and lean back for some reading. I am to soak for 1 hour. After my hour is up, I'll drain the tub and run the shower so I can shampoo and condtition my hair and wash my body. After my shower, I go through my skin care routine, dry and straighten my hair. *J* likes my long natural curls, but likes it straightened best. With all that done, I sit down at my dressing table to apply my make-up. After that, I put on some clothes.
Usually *J* isn't too picky about what I wear around the house as long as I don't wear panties and bra. However, there are times he has something particular picked out for me to wear. There were no such orders for today. I choose a pair of jeans that are now slightly too big for me, a t-shirt, and a black belt. I'm still under orders to leave my feet bare.
The final step in my morning routine is to clean up after myself: rinse out the jacuzzi, wipe down the shower, mop up any drops of water that may have hit the floor, put away all the bottles, tubes, and jars of my beauty aids and the razor. The entire process takes about two and a half hours. Now I am ready for lunch and household chores. Today I will be cleaning fish tanks and thinking about how I might properly thank my Master for allowing me to sleep in this morning.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Sunday, February 1, 2009
A Skill Desired
I am not one to make promises. I can count on one hand the promises I have made in 15 years. I remember each one of them and can tell you in detail what each of them entailed. 2 of the 4 were made in a past life with a past partner and are not relevant to this life, therefore I won't bore you with them. The third promise, I made to my husband a few years back... to love him for who he is with all of my heart and soul. My fourth promise I made today with my full sincerity.
Before I began, Let me go back to my young adulthood. I became sexually active at age 14. I won't go into details about my sex life back then... most of it is irrelevant anyway. But let me say that blow jobs were never my thing. What I mean is... yes I gave blow jobs as a means to arouse my beaus. And as I understand it, I'm quite skillful at the task. But I hadn't given a full blow job until age 19. I remember my first time very well. The guy... not so much. I remember my friend and I picked him and a couple of other guys up during one of our "hunts". We were single... we were free. And we were quite the little sluts. I didn't particularly care for this guy. The one I had my eye set on was married and left the party. My friend and her beau took off to another room to do their thing so that left me alone with Mr. Nameless. I call him that because I didn't bother to take the time to find out what his real name was. I was bored... idle chit chat was going nowhere with this guy. Sexual tension was in the air. I had no intentions of fucking Mr. Nameless... he wasn't to my liking and we apparently didn't have much in common. But... I was bored and he asked for a blow job... so why the hell not? Right?
I began as I always did... he was pleased. He got erected quickly. I planned to wiat for the moment when his cock began to throb then pull his cock out of my mouth and finish him off with my hands until he came onto my exposed breasts. This was typical for me. I had never swallowed cum... never tasted cum. The moment had came... his cock began to throb so I moved to continue as planned. Before I had a chance Mr. Nameless grabbed me by the hair and shoved his cock deep into my throat and he released his load there. Shocked, disgusted, unhappy I began to gag and proceeded to vomit. I had always wanted to try swallowing... but I never thought it would be like that. I was completely humiliated that I had vomited in the guys lap. That image... that humiliation was always at the back of my mind everafter. For years, I didn't feel the need or the desire to swallow again. Every lover I had taken since then was automatically told that I did not allow cumming in my mouth or on my face.
Many years later, I met *J*. He too was told the same thing. He had always told me that it was no big deal. Swallowing was nice but it wasn't "all that" and wasn't important to him. But I knew it was something he would enjoy. He has enjoyed the performance from many of his other lovers. I began to wish I could learn to do this for him as well. But I could never get the image of vomiting out of my mind. As much as I want to swallow cum for *J*... I have never been able to release my fear of vomiting in his lap. The humiliation of such a thing! There have been times during a good blow job session I have actually craved to taste his cum. There were times that I needed it. But he would pull back because he knew of my fear. I was always appreciative of that fact. Because it was always a "in the heat of the moment" desire. After the moment passed, I was always thankful that he didn't.
Things have now changed. I have chose him to be my full time Master, and he has chose me to be his full time slave. As such... it is my duty, my honor to learn the art of swallowing my Master's cum. The very thought of it and all that this action signifies is something that I desire. In mastering this skill I know that I will become a better slave... I will be able to serve my Master more fully. This is something I want to do. Need to do. Desire to do. Crave to do. MUST do for my Master. Yet... I am still scared. I have promised my Master that I will do all that I can to overcome this fear and will somehow master this skill for him. I trust that my Master will guide this devoted slave through the technique. And I soooo hope that I will not humiliate myself by vomiting in his lap.
Enough thoughts from me today!
Till next time
Before I began, Let me go back to my young adulthood. I became sexually active at age 14. I won't go into details about my sex life back then... most of it is irrelevant anyway. But let me say that blow jobs were never my thing. What I mean is... yes I gave blow jobs as a means to arouse my beaus. And as I understand it, I'm quite skillful at the task. But I hadn't given a full blow job until age 19. I remember my first time very well. The guy... not so much. I remember my friend and I picked him and a couple of other guys up during one of our "hunts". We were single... we were free. And we were quite the little sluts. I didn't particularly care for this guy. The one I had my eye set on was married and left the party. My friend and her beau took off to another room to do their thing so that left me alone with Mr. Nameless. I call him that because I didn't bother to take the time to find out what his real name was. I was bored... idle chit chat was going nowhere with this guy. Sexual tension was in the air. I had no intentions of fucking Mr. Nameless... he wasn't to my liking and we apparently didn't have much in common. But... I was bored and he asked for a blow job... so why the hell not? Right?
I began as I always did... he was pleased. He got erected quickly. I planned to wiat for the moment when his cock began to throb then pull his cock out of my mouth and finish him off with my hands until he came onto my exposed breasts. This was typical for me. I had never swallowed cum... never tasted cum. The moment had came... his cock began to throb so I moved to continue as planned. Before I had a chance Mr. Nameless grabbed me by the hair and shoved his cock deep into my throat and he released his load there. Shocked, disgusted, unhappy I began to gag and proceeded to vomit. I had always wanted to try swallowing... but I never thought it would be like that. I was completely humiliated that I had vomited in the guys lap. That image... that humiliation was always at the back of my mind everafter. For years, I didn't feel the need or the desire to swallow again. Every lover I had taken since then was automatically told that I did not allow cumming in my mouth or on my face.
Many years later, I met *J*. He too was told the same thing. He had always told me that it was no big deal. Swallowing was nice but it wasn't "all that" and wasn't important to him. But I knew it was something he would enjoy. He has enjoyed the performance from many of his other lovers. I began to wish I could learn to do this for him as well. But I could never get the image of vomiting out of my mind. As much as I want to swallow cum for *J*... I have never been able to release my fear of vomiting in his lap. The humiliation of such a thing! There have been times during a good blow job session I have actually craved to taste his cum. There were times that I needed it. But he would pull back because he knew of my fear. I was always appreciative of that fact. Because it was always a "in the heat of the moment" desire. After the moment passed, I was always thankful that he didn't.
Things have now changed. I have chose him to be my full time Master, and he has chose me to be his full time slave. As such... it is my duty, my honor to learn the art of swallowing my Master's cum. The very thought of it and all that this action signifies is something that I desire. In mastering this skill I know that I will become a better slave... I will be able to serve my Master more fully. This is something I want to do. Need to do. Desire to do. Crave to do. MUST do for my Master. Yet... I am still scared. I have promised my Master that I will do all that I can to overcome this fear and will somehow master this skill for him. I trust that my Master will guide this devoted slave through the technique. And I soooo hope that I will not humiliate myself by vomiting in his lap.
Enough thoughts from me today!
Till next time
Unworthy
Today is a day for thoughts, as I lack the inspiration for story telling.
I failed my Master, and therefore failed myself. I am ashamed and unworthy. I should have been forced to sleep in the closet or in the floor at my Master's feet like an animal for my failures. The floor without honor is what I deserved as my resting place. I do not deserve to be placed at my Master's side in his bed after my lack of service. How disgraced I am! I shed tears of shame and disappointment most of the night fearful that I'd wake my Master. I nearly sent myself to the closet for punishment. However, it has always been my Master's preference that I remain on the bed with him. I did not want to further disappoint him by not being at his side when he woke up. I felt guilty for laying there next to him regardless. I fully expected, and was prepared for, a thorough punishment this morning upon his wake. That was not the case. Oh how I wished he had. A beating would have been better and easier than the continued looks of disappointment and anger that was evident in his face and eyes. How disgusted he must be with me. Not as disgusted as I am with myself I bet.
My disgraceful act - I failed to service my Master the way he wished to be serviced. My only excuse, which is no excuse at all... I made an assumption. Master told me earlier in the day that he wanted to use my asshole for his pleasure. When he called upon me to service him, I kept that in mind. He started out with a cock-sucking. I followed his instructions and used my fingers to stroke him as he showed me while I used my mouth to blow him. He was obviously impressed with my skills. His cock got hard and thick; harder and thicker than I've seen him in quite awhile. I was looking forward to him using my ass to get his hard thick cock off in my ass. I suppose that was where I went wrong. I could feel him get excited and ready to explode in my mouth. Keeping in mind that he had told me he intended to use my asshole, I would slow my movements or shift my position slightly to keep him from getting off too soon. I was afraid I'd be punished for making him cum since he had already made it clear to me that he intended to use my asshole.
A slave is never to make assumptions. I felt his hard thick cock throb at the back of my throat. It felt wonderful. I craved to taste his cum. His moans of pleasure showed how pleased he was with my cock-sucking ability. As much as I craved the taste of his cum... I craved his thick cock in my asshole more. Instead of continuing, I would shift to prevent his coming. Partially due to the fact that I believed he did not want to cum this way, and partially due to my own selfishness for wanting his cock in my ass. I should have taken a moment to ask how he would like to cum. This would have been the correct way for a slave to behave. A slave is to NEVER make assumptions!
Suddenly, I could tell that my Master was no longer enjoying my service. He quit responding favorably and just plain stopped moving. He had became bored with my service perhaps? No... there was a definite sense of disappointment and anger to his demeanor. What had I done wrong? He finally had enough of me and made me stop. Asked me what my problem was. Said that I had gotten him "there" twice and it seemed that I deliberately stopped him. He asked if my actions were deliberate. I instantly answered "No Sir" they were not intentional. After further examination of my actions, I realize... They were deliberate. But not in the manner to disappoint my Master. If I had understood, If I had asked for clarification, I was willing to swallow his cum if that's what he wanted. I am always willing to do whatever it takes to please my Master. I would have swallowed his cum with pride. Oh if only I had taken a moment to ask.
After questioning me, Master commanded me to resume the blow job. I am ashamed to admit that I couldn't seem to perform to my ability. I was confused as to what I had done wrong. I couldn't understand why my Master was so upset with me. My mind was full of these questions and I could not keep my mind on the task at hand. Finally, my Master ordered me to turn over. He quickly used my pussy to release himself.
When he was finished, he cleaned himself up and wiped my pussy free of his juices. He lay next to me in silence. Obviously still angry and disappointed. I thought the silence would go on forever. I thought he would just leave me there with all the questions in my head. Wondering what I had done wrong. The silence was unbearable. I broke a rule by speaking first. I just had to know what went wrong. He began to speak to me in a harsh tone, his anger still evident. He had wanted to cum in my mouth. The realization shocked me, but shamed me too. I should have picked up on the hints, I should have figured it out. What a useless slut I am!
I sat up most of the night thinking about the situation. I must admit that I allowed my selfishness to interfere with my performance. Master has been teasing me and keeping me on edge for days. I needed some release. I let my own needs cloud my judgment. If I hadn't been so selfish, I would have picked up the hints. I would have asked!
Today I feel ashamed and useless. Unworthy
I failed my Master, and therefore failed myself. I am ashamed and unworthy. I should have been forced to sleep in the closet or in the floor at my Master's feet like an animal for my failures. The floor without honor is what I deserved as my resting place. I do not deserve to be placed at my Master's side in his bed after my lack of service. How disgraced I am! I shed tears of shame and disappointment most of the night fearful that I'd wake my Master. I nearly sent myself to the closet for punishment. However, it has always been my Master's preference that I remain on the bed with him. I did not want to further disappoint him by not being at his side when he woke up. I felt guilty for laying there next to him regardless. I fully expected, and was prepared for, a thorough punishment this morning upon his wake. That was not the case. Oh how I wished he had. A beating would have been better and easier than the continued looks of disappointment and anger that was evident in his face and eyes. How disgusted he must be with me. Not as disgusted as I am with myself I bet.
My disgraceful act - I failed to service my Master the way he wished to be serviced. My only excuse, which is no excuse at all... I made an assumption. Master told me earlier in the day that he wanted to use my asshole for his pleasure. When he called upon me to service him, I kept that in mind. He started out with a cock-sucking. I followed his instructions and used my fingers to stroke him as he showed me while I used my mouth to blow him. He was obviously impressed with my skills. His cock got hard and thick; harder and thicker than I've seen him in quite awhile. I was looking forward to him using my ass to get his hard thick cock off in my ass. I suppose that was where I went wrong. I could feel him get excited and ready to explode in my mouth. Keeping in mind that he had told me he intended to use my asshole, I would slow my movements or shift my position slightly to keep him from getting off too soon. I was afraid I'd be punished for making him cum since he had already made it clear to me that he intended to use my asshole.
A slave is never to make assumptions. I felt his hard thick cock throb at the back of my throat. It felt wonderful. I craved to taste his cum. His moans of pleasure showed how pleased he was with my cock-sucking ability. As much as I craved the taste of his cum... I craved his thick cock in my asshole more. Instead of continuing, I would shift to prevent his coming. Partially due to the fact that I believed he did not want to cum this way, and partially due to my own selfishness for wanting his cock in my ass. I should have taken a moment to ask how he would like to cum. This would have been the correct way for a slave to behave. A slave is to NEVER make assumptions!
Suddenly, I could tell that my Master was no longer enjoying my service. He quit responding favorably and just plain stopped moving. He had became bored with my service perhaps? No... there was a definite sense of disappointment and anger to his demeanor. What had I done wrong? He finally had enough of me and made me stop. Asked me what my problem was. Said that I had gotten him "there" twice and it seemed that I deliberately stopped him. He asked if my actions were deliberate. I instantly answered "No Sir" they were not intentional. After further examination of my actions, I realize... They were deliberate. But not in the manner to disappoint my Master. If I had understood, If I had asked for clarification, I was willing to swallow his cum if that's what he wanted. I am always willing to do whatever it takes to please my Master. I would have swallowed his cum with pride. Oh if only I had taken a moment to ask.
After questioning me, Master commanded me to resume the blow job. I am ashamed to admit that I couldn't seem to perform to my ability. I was confused as to what I had done wrong. I couldn't understand why my Master was so upset with me. My mind was full of these questions and I could not keep my mind on the task at hand. Finally, my Master ordered me to turn over. He quickly used my pussy to release himself.
When he was finished, he cleaned himself up and wiped my pussy free of his juices. He lay next to me in silence. Obviously still angry and disappointed. I thought the silence would go on forever. I thought he would just leave me there with all the questions in my head. Wondering what I had done wrong. The silence was unbearable. I broke a rule by speaking first. I just had to know what went wrong. He began to speak to me in a harsh tone, his anger still evident. He had wanted to cum in my mouth. The realization shocked me, but shamed me too. I should have picked up on the hints, I should have figured it out. What a useless slut I am!
I sat up most of the night thinking about the situation. I must admit that I allowed my selfishness to interfere with my performance. Master has been teasing me and keeping me on edge for days. I needed some release. I let my own needs cloud my judgment. If I hadn't been so selfish, I would have picked up the hints. I would have asked!
Today I feel ashamed and useless. Unworthy
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