Sunday, February 1, 2009

A Skill Desired

I am not one to make promises. I can count on one hand the promises I have made in 15 years. I remember each one of them and can tell you in detail what each of them entailed. 2 of the 4 were made in a past life with a past partner and are not relevant to this life, therefore I won't bore you with them. The third promise, I made to my husband a few years back... to love him for who he is with all of my heart and soul. My fourth promise I made today with my full sincerity.

Before I began, Let me go back to my young adulthood. I became sexually active at age 14. I won't go into details about my sex life back then... most of it is irrelevant anyway. But let me say that blow jobs were never my thing. What I mean is... yes I gave blow jobs as a means to arouse my beaus. And as I understand it, I'm quite skillful at the task. But I hadn't given a full blow job until age 19. I remember my first time very well. The guy... not so much. I remember my friend and I picked him and a couple of other guys up during one of our "hunts". We were single... we were free. And we were quite the little sluts. I didn't particularly care for this guy. The one I had my eye set on was married and left the party. My friend and her beau took off to another room to do their thing so that left me alone with Mr. Nameless. I call him that because I didn't bother to take the time to find out what his real name was. I was bored... idle chit chat was going nowhere with this guy. Sexual tension was in the air. I had no intentions of fucking Mr. Nameless... he wasn't to my liking and we apparently didn't have much in common. But... I was bored and he asked for a blow job... so why the hell not? Right?

I began as I always did... he was pleased. He got erected quickly. I planned to wiat for the moment when his cock began to throb then pull his cock out of my mouth and finish him off with my hands until he came onto my exposed breasts. This was typical for me. I had never swallowed cum... never tasted cum. The moment had came... his cock began to throb so I moved to continue as planned. Before I had a chance Mr. Nameless grabbed me by the hair and shoved his cock deep into my throat and he released his load there. Shocked, disgusted, unhappy I began to gag and proceeded to vomit. I had always wanted to try swallowing... but I never thought it would be like that. I was completely humiliated that I had vomited in the guys lap. That image... that humiliation was always at the back of my mind everafter. For years, I didn't feel the need or the desire to swallow again. Every lover I had taken since then was automatically told that I did not allow cumming in my mouth or on my face.

Many years later, I met *J*. He too was told the same thing. He had always told me that it was no big deal. Swallowing was nice but it wasn't "all that" and wasn't important to him. But I knew it was something he would enjoy. He has enjoyed the performance from many of his other lovers. I began to wish I could learn to do this for him as well. But I could never get the image of vomiting out of my mind. As much as I want to swallow cum for *J*... I have never been able to release my fear of vomiting in his lap. The humiliation of such a thing! There have been times during a good blow job session I have actually craved to taste his cum. There were times that I needed it. But he would pull back because he knew of my fear. I was always appreciative of that fact. Because it was always a "in the heat of the moment" desire. After the moment passed, I was always thankful that he didn't.

Things have now changed. I have chose him to be my full time Master, and he has chose me to be his full time slave. As such... it is my duty, my honor to learn the art of swallowing my Master's cum. The very thought of it and all that this action signifies is something that I desire. In mastering this skill I know that I will become a better slave... I will be able to serve my Master more fully. This is something I want to do. Need to do. Desire to do. Crave to do. MUST do for my Master. Yet... I am still scared. I have promised my Master that I will do all that I can to overcome this fear and will somehow master this skill for him. I trust that my Master will guide this devoted slave through the technique. And I soooo hope that I will not humiliate myself by vomiting in his lap.

Enough thoughts from me today!
Till next time

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